Five years ago today… Five years ago, at 7:30 a.m., I hugged my daughter and told her to drive safely. “Ok Mom. See you at lunch time!” Five years ago, at 11:00 a.m., two DPS officers came to my work with “something important to talk to me about, regarding my daughter.” Five years ago, at …
Category Archive: Grief Journal
Grief Journal entries are taken directly from the journal I started days after my daughter's death. They are my raw grief set to paper. I am sharing them here in hopes that others who grieve will see themselves and at the same time see that survival is possible.
Oct 07
Raw grief and the struggle to accept
Two months you’ve been gone from this world. … The anger that everyone talks about, that all the books and counselors say is “normal” after a loss, has nowhere to go in me. I have no place to focus this anger, so it stays inside, winding me ever tighter. I find myself short-tempered, waspish, mean-spirited. …
Aug 17
Grief Journal No. 7 – musings on anger
Eight weeks after the accident… My anger stays inside. The anger that everyone talks about, that all the books and counselors say is “normal” for a grieving person, has no where to go, so it stays inside, winding me ever tighter. I find myself short-tempered, waspish, mean-spirited. I do not want to be this way! …
Jun 10
Grief Journal No. 6: Only one conversation possible
(This was written to a friend, July 7, 2008, six weeks after the death of my daughter Ava. It may help some folks understand the newly bereaved.) I haven’t called, written or spoken to you in a while. It is no reflection on our friendship. Perhaps the best way to explain my lack of communication …
Jun 08
Grief Journal No. 5: Grief as life’s definition
(Written July 3, 2008 – one month after the death of my daughter Ava) I just finished a book about a couple who lost their only child, “First You Die.” Like nearly everything else I have read, it indicates that this pain doesn’t “get better.” For the author and her husband, the loss has become …
Apr 13
Grief Journal No. 4: Grief, growth, and pursuit of happiness
I’d had a particularly bad morning; left work early; cried until I was dry. Then, as so often these days, I felt Ava’s soft-yet-strong arms go around my shoulders, her head press against my cheek, and she rocked me. We rocked as we so often did through the years when providing comfort to one another. …
Mar 23
One month after her death…
This grief is so potent – a cutting of the fabric of the soul. A pain that begins in the head and bones and digestive system and penetrates to the mind, emotions, spirit. So much of my being fights, rebels at the truth: How can she possibly be dead?! It is NOT possible! It cannot …
Feb 09
Grief is more than emotion
Grief is more than an emotion. Like love, it goes much deeper. Emotions are generally temporary and subject to change with surrounding circumstances. A child gets a good grade on a test. She is happy and proud (two emotions). Rain dampens a planned party. The hostess is disappointed and frustrated (two more). A friend reneges …
Feb 04
Grief journal No. 3 – a pool of tears
(Grief Journal entries are taken directly from the journal I started days after my daughter’s death. They are my raw grief set to paper. I am sharing them here in hopes that others who grieve will see themselves, and at the same time see that survival is possible.) 6/14/08 This pool of tears that my …
Jan 24
Grief Journal No. 2: grappling with grief
(Grief Journal entries are taken directly from the journal I started days after my daughter’s death. They are my raw grief set to paper. I am sharing them here in hopes that others who grieve will see themselves, and at the same time see that survival is possible.) 6-13-2008 The pain of my loss is …
