(Grief Journal entries are taken directly from the journal I started days after my daughter’s death. They are my raw grief set to paper. I am sharing them here in hopes that others who grieve will see themselves, and at the same time see that survival is possible.)
This pool of tears that my life has become is so different, so very unfamiliar. I seem to be someone I’ve never wanted to be, someone drowning in sorrow and darkness.
I can’t seem to find the “me” I was. I feel like a stranger. I sense glimpses, tiny fragments of my former happiness, my contented state of being, and I long to be that way again.
I miss me – almost as much as I miss my daughter – but that’s just it: We died together that day three and a half weeks ago. I lost part of my very being when she lost her life.
My daughter is my greatest source of strength right now. She has always wanted me to be happy. She has taken very good care of me – in every way she knew – from the time she was tiny. She worries about me now and tries to give me hope. She hands me tools. She has spoken in my head many times since her death. “I love you, Mother. Always.”
Love transcends death. Our souls are bound forever… I’ve known this since before you were born, Ava. Our love continues – even if you’re not on this earthly plane, you feel me and I feel you. You live in my heart….