Mar 31
The tree I planted last summer is starting to put forth new spring leaves. The stone is golden and beautiful; the words carved upon it still sting my eyes and prod the wound in my heart. I go the cemetery on a regular basis now, to prune and water the tree, to visit the marker, …
Mar 23
This grief is so potent – a cutting of the fabric of the soul. A pain that begins in the head and bones and digestive system and penetrates to the mind, emotions, spirit. So much of my being fights, rebels at the truth: How can she possibly be dead?! It is NOT possible! It cannot …
Mar 23
Memories – those priceless sparks of electricity bouncing around my grey matter. The past distills down to these intangible synapse firings… and the deep sensation of spirit. Time moves forward. One day inexorably melds into the next, and so days, weeks, even years pass. Anniversaries approach. Spring Break comes again. I mark three years ago …
Mar 02
I don’t believe in coincidences. Whether part of some “divine plan” or a science deeper than we currently understand, I think everything happens for a reason. I see it as a philosophical version of Chaos Theory; in my thinking, there is a pattern, a Koch’s Curve to life. If we could just stand back far …
Feb 24
And suddenly, everything is different. Ok, maybe not everything, but significant changes have occurred. My small house (1,400 square feet) is now home to two additional people. Three women and a girl are now sharing one and a half baths (the “half” has only a sink and toilet – we are limited to one bath …
Feb 18
Death and grief. If we ignore them, maybe they’ll go away. That’s the way our culture treats these very present, and very important aspects of everyday life. Ignore them, don’t talk about them, turn your face away and you’ll be spared. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. Death spares no one, unfortunately. (Is this a …
Feb 15
I met the man in whose chest my daughter’s heart is beating. Jerry and his wife Laurie drove to Wickenburg to meet the mother of the organ donor who saved his life. We spent nearly five hours talking, crying, laughing and creating the beginnings of a strange and wonderful “family” connection, which I expect will …
Feb 09
Grief is more than an emotion. Like love, it goes much deeper. Emotions are generally temporary and subject to change with surrounding circumstances. A child gets a good grade on a test. She is happy and proud (two emotions). Rain dampens a planned party. The hostess is disappointed and frustrated (two more). A friend reneges …
Feb 04
(Grief Journal entries are taken directly from the journal I started days after my daughter’s death. They are my raw grief set to paper. I am sharing them here in hopes that others who grieve will see themselves, and at the same time see that survival is possible.) 6/14/08 This pool of tears that my …
Feb 02
I know they mean well. Their hearts are certainly in the right place; it’s their misunderstanding of the situation that leads them to make the comments they do. Some background is probably necessary. My eldest daughter was killed in a car accident in May of 2008. Several months after that, I began the process of …
